Sunday, September 18, 2011

Cooler Weather; Colder Beer

For a moment, just a moment, she walked into my line of sight. Her. The "she" that haunts my dreams, makes them hopes, makes me hope. The "her" who I can never get out of my mind, but I try. I swear I try. And try.
You spend days peeling back the memories, going over every part of your house like it's some sort of inventory day, in hopes that you can remove all traces of her. In hopes that she will not sneak up on you when you're not ready. I did all that. Spent days going through old pictures. Pictures that weren't necessarily of us or her, but of things we did together. There was the one of the fountain down near the park. She took the picture right before I fell in. Of course she'd tried to take one after, but her laughter prevented her from managing.
I found it, and I threw it away.
It's just a picture, after all. A picture of a fountain. Not that I don't like the fountain and not that it's not a good picture, but what if I'm going through the drawer where I keep my pictures and I find it? What then? The memory will hit me and I'll have to spend the day trying to come up with ways to remove the memory from my head.
I did so well until today.
All she has to do is walk by, without so much as a glimpse my way, and I'm devastated. Completely. My day is ruined now and I didn't even show up on her radar.
And October used to be my favorite month of the year.